Mood Swings

I have forgotten how to write  That used to be me Words lost despite  Its all I used to be Days fly past, yet time doesn't stir Thinking, feeling, emotions all Fleeing in the blur Of instant recall We're losing connections In this age of connectivity With GPS for directions But not for humanity In this quest for achievement Within insatiable scarcity  Piling heartache  And losing clarity  So I search pen in hand Fighting with my head For words like grains of sand Chasing meaning that's fled

As the darkness of the night Envelopes the cacophony of life Thoughts and feelings hidden In your mind are rife  Introspection and caution Begin to make you wary Ghosts that you laid to rest Begin telling their story Is happiness an illusion That is created in your mind Or to be found everywhere Just fear making you blind It's impermanence is scary And it's life so fleeting The feeling more precious With each encounter and meeting You hold tight grips Still slips like grains of sand Making the illusion of happiness Even more grand Unanswered questions Dense clouds of doubt Where do you go happiness Let me find your whereabouts

Do you see that woman? Hidden behind the dorky exterior Still shines with radiance and grace Do you see that woman? Hiding behind her silence Still has many stories to tell Do you see that woman? Hidden underneath her skin and clothes  Still fiery and full of spunk Do you see that woman? Hiding behind her shyness  Yet has a wicked sense of humour Do you see that woman? Hidden behind the tired eyes and smile And has stories of daily courageous battles  Do you see that woman? Hidden behind her screen With a heart as deep as the ocean Do you see that woman? Hidden behind her insecurities Still a champion for the meek Do you see that woman? That sits on her dark windows But dreams about the stars Do you see that woman? That looks back from the mirror  She's too much, too little,  Too guarded, too crazy  Too mad and too awesome  In a life of constant storm She is the ray of light. 

Trapped inside our lives We’re forced to introspect The meaning of life We lead so trapped and circumspect   The value of today Never seemed so vital before The worries of tomorrow So futile to explore   It’s a battle inside Of hope and despair Will humanity be awakened Or be broken beyond repair   Will love find us And friendships bring new meaning Or will social isolation Become a habit that needs weaning   The uncertainty of change Is teaching me how to cope   For where there is life There will always be hope      

Trapped in the hours of the clock I lived life in yesterday Healing scars from the past Allowing them to marr the future Experiences shaped perceptions Of how I viewed life Allowing it to colour The future I imagined The past year however Broke this spell Cast by shadows That hung over me I don't see the future still But not the past either Anxiousness hasn't become trepidation Nor expectations transformed to fear Something inside me Is beginning her new journey Born from this year of time Lived in today She doesn't have answers But to herself she's now kind As she starts a new journey Of leaving the clock behind

A step forward And two behind The words inside my head Were never so kind Doubts and fears are Self-preservation I guess The cacophony in my head Is sometimes a mess The walls in my head And a gilded heart Keeps hurt away Precious protection imparts I peep through the walls To see the world outside Sometimes it gets lonely In a world where only, I reside Introspection on days Gives courage and sight And like Dumbledore said Happiness can be found when you turn on the light

She says she lost it The ability to string beautiful words to meaning It drifted past her Like years of a bygone era Maybe she hid it First because time chased her And again and again Entangled in life’s trappings Maybe she chose to hide Her feelings from scrutiny Protecting her vulnerabilities From monstrous viciousness But its right there Peeking through the shadows Peeping through little corners of her heart Sometimes life inspires her Sometimes it’s a verse Sometimes its silly drawings Or the beauty of the universe She finds them one day Her words that were hiding Just came to her heart Without even finding

Sometimes you soar  Like a bird on bright sunny days  Sometimes you crack  Like dried paint on my aging walls  Sometimes you're elusive Like fireflies in dark nights Sometimes you shine Even through the grey clouds  Sometimes you dry up Parched than the most arid desserts  Sometimes you drain Seeping through the pores of my being  Sometimes you hide In the corners that seem hard to find  But you're always infinite Like the expanse of the universe  You ask nothing in return Hope..it's your flame that always burns. 

We lay under the burdens Of seemingly accurate assumptions Learnt  judgements that lingered  From callous throw aways of people That were only protecting their own short comings We assume and brood And let it drive our lives  For miles and miles  Yearning for someone  That will help us change these misunderstandings We look in the mirror  And find a hundred faults  Hoping one day it'll be perfect Not realising that perfection is subjective To approval from similarly misled people  We look for love  Forgetting to love ourselves Re-enforcing flaws rather than strengths But we will find it by our side The day we learn to love inside.

What would it feel like to be unknown again? Getting lost in the crowd, Walking through strangers. Restarting who you are, And what you want to be, Breaking through judgments, To make new ones. Redefining your limitations, And the way you perceive yourself. Leaving behind life, as you knew it, To forge a new path. Abandoning the melancholy of routine, Embracing the excitement of the unknown, Fills me with trepidation and hopefulness, Life is at a bend, Waiting to open into new horizons.    

I wonder if I’d be able to follow If it came with an instruction manual This dance of life Between man and woman The subtle interests Hidden meanings and sexual innuendos Reading between lines And pre-empting actions Subtle coaxing Giving in and still keeping ground The cacophony Between attraction and love or both Vulnerability so demanding To cover endless distances And reach unknown destinations No maps and just a journey I wonder if a manual could Put together this crazy dance Would it still work? That’s still another chance

Do broken things fix Maybe they do Maybe they can't Maybe they're meant to be lessons That you won't forget. Do broken things fix When they're irreparably damaged Or can all wounds heal With medicines you didn't know existed And didn't care to find Do broken things fix Or become a clutter you always carry Like a jigsaw with missing pieces Memories best forgotten That you hope fade with time Do broken things fix Without divine intervention A chance of fate That may have broken you in the first place Serendipitous encounters that charmed And leave you wondering If you were always broken x

Lost in the words  And the musky smell of the pages  Wandering in glorious lands  Created by my mind  I walk the journey of imagination Of what could have been Endearing emotions  Of love, sadness, anger and despair Feel beautiful The world stops and time ceases When I walk through those words And wonder if life could be that serene If I could embrace it like a book That I loved reading When anxieties didn't boil over  But excitement brimmed  When the future didn't hold darkness But the thrill of adventure awaited  A travel of exhilaration Than trepidations Life life life  Is best lived when you're writing your own book.

I chase phantoms Fleeting moments of brightness In the darkness of delusion I run behind shadows That are cast from the entity I am I believe in magic But forget it happens to those who believe I seek serendipity Still disregard the goings in my life I try to find meaning In the cacaphony of my mind I seek reassurance That will fulfill my dreams I look for all of it outside And still don't find the trust I know the answers And don't want to believe them I hurt and ache But find no cure I need to find me In these million broken pieces

I stare at my screen Admiring this type writer script Looking for inspiration That used to be me It wasn’t just me It was the outlook you see A celebration of life That never ended My uniqueness, my craziness My madness so splendid! Im looking for that girl again Lost in the cacophony of her fears Drowned in the anxieties of what ifs I see glimpses of her sometimes And I try to hold on She’s elusive She will come back though Cuz she believes in serendipity In spreading the cheer of her magic dust In the caffeine induced sleeplessness She spends staring at the stars She’s right here She’s near All I need to do Is look in the mirror

There she sat on the window, of her high perch, Staring at the ocean, wondering if it could be drown the darkness within her. She looks at those tiny people, running about doing daily chores, and she wonders if someone, pulls her strings too, like those puppets below. She always believed she was different, above the mundane being of life, And when reality seeps in, she stares in denial of her ordinary existence. Her faith is moved, for her questions have no answers, The sense of right that came easily once, seems too overrated today. She always knew she had no luck, she doesnt miss it all that much, And still her foolish heart, waits for that sign, gazing at those million stars above, that one may fall today, and her wishes may just be life's correct answers.

People have always recommended me to blog. Maybe they relate this with my innate ability to talk to lampposts ( translated as everything under the sun), but thats not really true. Silences just make me uncomfortable, it makes me wonder about the opinion people would be forming of me and since i belong to the generation which pretends to "care a damn" bout most things, i just keep yapping endlessly or maybe till someone would "give a damn" to etiquettes and ask me to shut up. It could also be blamed on sun signs and the cruel hour of fate in which i was born and all that drama , since being a Gemini gives me such contrasting mood swings that at a point my friends considered me as a case study for bi polar mood disorder. Some say its just restlessness and i should do yoga to soothe mind and spirit, i tried it too..at the end of the class when people did shavasan and pretended to be dead..my mind would scream for everyone to show some emotion other than calm breathing!...